The Freak Chronicles

I really feel outraged and frustrated in how I am exactly supposed to express myself to others in my life. I rather not be extremely conservative and told how people think I should act. I have been treated like an outcast for most of my life and I have also in fact been responsible for that in addition to how my friends have responded to me. I am not complaining, I  just merely accept that is the truth. I don’t want to destroy the picture I have painted for myself through my life and who I may be defined as and I want it not to be forgotten. I do not care what people think of me nor what they think of the decisions I make. To those past old friends of mine, do not expect to be greeted by the joyous delighted Nathaniel Fox-Pappas you once knew from elementary school. For christ sake I put on a bloody happy face for all of you god damn suckers and bottled the angry rage up inside. Now there is nothing but hatred. To put it short- fuck life. The only thing I truly have to live for is my family and my film passion. How is that “personal” for you?

Recently a new idea has occurred to me over the past few days that I shall develop into a live action short film. It shall be character driven rather than plot driven. I have already begun to write down my ideas in regard to this short film. I am intertwining both horror and drama together in my sick and twisted notion. The short film I plan to direct was inspired by an early film directed and oddly destroyed by mistake by Tarantino. I received a vast majority of film based books from my dad’s girlfriend, Robin Turnbull. I have found them all very fascinating. My brother, Robin’s birthday is only in six days. I have something in mind that I would like to get him. My wisdom teeth no longer hurt anymore. I will be watching the 13th Bond film tonight titled “Octopussy”.  I an doing well in learning how to stylistically design figures in terms of my drawing. I have written much more of my teen dramedy and I am half way through Chapter four. It is coming along well, but I am still struggling with what exactly some of the casual dialogue should be based upon.I know I will overcome it.  

I have seen Iron Man three times now as well as The Dark Knight trailer and they have never failed to amaze me! I watched the Bond film titled “Live and Let Die” from 1973 last night.  I started to read Breakfast at Tiffany’s yesterday and I am half way through it. I am going to finish the rest of it today. The Mcneill Bros are leaving on Thursday for two months until the end of July. I am getting botox injections once again in June. I find it very frustrating that my old friends do not have the urge to contact me, however I understand they never last. If I am to be treated with no attention in my life from them they should not expect anything from me. Sometimes I feel I was not meant for the world and the society we live in today. It might possibly be difficult to comprehend from a very conservative social individual unlike a complete outcast like me who feels I cannot be loved aside from my dear family. Regards to Andrea Sonya for allowing me to learn that. Even the one girl I have loved with all my heart since Kindergarten I cannot speak to  because I have not had the chance to at all. She will never respond to me and I wish I had told her a long time ago what I would like to just express to her. Despite my rage, I shall make a simple and  drastic change to my visual appearance to the point at which people who have known me will barely recognise me at all in this Ghost world. If anyone actually reads my personal blog look for my symbol, (laugh if you will) but I am dead serious!  

I woke up late today at twelve thirty, but I took my medication at eleven fifteen in the morning. Craig Franklin who I took Technical Theatre in my first year of Ryerson University called me in regard to seeing Iron Man tonight. Craig is one of my good friends now. Sunday cannot come any sooner….hahahahaha. I wonder whether the new “The Dark Knight” is attached with the release of Iron Man. My friend Malcolm Mcneill is coming along as well to the film. We are all hyped to see it. It has gotten great reviews unlike The Fantastic Four. I shall see tonight. It is best not to have any expectations for “The Dark Knight” in the case such as my friend from Ryerson, Markie Schofield because it makes the experience of seeing it that much more exciting and amazing for the audience member.My grandmother has not yet made a woodcut of the “teaser poster” for my next graphic novel. I am working on a second drawing to shift people’s attention even more now to this project. I am continually still working on the comic script. I will update everyone further has I make more progress.  

I feel alone aside from my family life. I love them all dearly, but I feel this is an intricate piece of the puzzle missing. Who am I to complain though? My teeth do not ache as much anymore, although they are not completely healed quite yet. I understand now that friends do not last forever from my experience. I have lost hope in that department and given up and decided to leave that behind me….FOREVER…There is no going back now. It is their loss and not mine. My overwhelming artistic flair will flourish and feels everlasting. People need to be shown an ultimate world class individual full of creative art. As only a pathetic young man who has no path paved in his life (which I do) I can be ignored, but if I become more than that and express myself deeply in my writing and in terms of direction I become something entirely. As a symbol I think I can acomplish my career goal. My destiny in film lies ahead. I will share my dread, I’ll show ya…